


my most recent adversary: the ocean

by nefelibata_yyun



Category: One Piece
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Dimension Travel, Inspired by This Bites! - Xomniac, Original Character(s), SU-pAHHH weird, Self-Indulgent, Self-Insert, i mean it IS dimension travel right, like superrr weird, mc is weird, word vomit dont mind me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:54:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28450491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nefelibata_yyun/pseuds/nefelibata_yyun
Summary: I had been rereading the first few chapters of This Bites! when an idea had hit me. 'What if...'I then shook my head, Self-Inserts and OCs weren't my cup of Tea. And generally, they weren'tanyone's. This Bites! was just an exception.'Well,' I had thought, clicking the 'New Work' button and donning a challenging grin on my face. 'I was always a Tea enthusiast. All flavours are all welcome. Self-Insert into Self-Insert, here I come!'("How are you feeling now-yoi?"And oh bloody hell. Enter the eccentric verbal tics. One Piece or This Bites! verse it is."Just peachy." I croaked before clearing my throat. "As amazing as I definitely do not look. And I would feel even better if you tell me I'm not in the Grand Line or, for the love of Tea, the New World.""The latter-yoi. You somehow managed to get into the waters of the New World and not drown." Fuck.)
Relationships: Original Female Character & Original Male Character, Whitebeard Pirates & Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 34
Kudos: 68





	1. how to make yonko doubt your sanity: 'tis the balm to my soul

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [This Bites!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4833515) by [Xomniac](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xomniac/pseuds/Xomniac). 

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which a 2020 girl had suddenly been forced to interact with people.  
> well, to a much extremer extent. 
> 
> a fan, who isnt as determined as Cross, is forcefully dumped into the One Piece/This Bites! verse
> 
> how to make yonko doubt your sanity:
> 
> step 1: ask for tea  
> step 2:  
> step 3:  
> step 4:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao this is actually a semi-true scenario cuz it's based off a dream i had some day.
> 
> i feel like i should be nervous but eh, self-insert into self-insert, so what? 
> 
> haters come here, i dare you.
> 
> (unless the actual authors of this bites! voice their dislike. if that happens, i'll wither like a flower in a desert, and sulk.)

The first thing I heard- or rather, the first thing I _felt_ was the burning sensation in my nose and throat as I pushed my quivering hands and knees up onto all fours then _heaved_ , liquid spilling out of my mouth and dribbling down my chin. Shivers wracked my body as a small breeze whistled by.

It was then when I belatedly realised that I was drenched with what must be salt water and also freezing _cold._

Another cough tore out of my hoarse throat as I wheezed for a decent gulp of air.

I rummaged through my frenzied mind to find any reasons that could have caused my pitiful situation. At the start of the day, I remembered chilling in my study room, rereading the first few chapters of-

'OH no. Oh no bloody, _fucking_ way.'

_'Self-Insert in Self-Insert?' I had thought. 'Eh, what the hell, why not?'_

Usually didn't BROB or ROB or some other asshole-y higher being _text_ the said traveller as a half-hearted warning beforehand? You know, so they don't go absolutely batshit? 

I instantly straightened up, sitting back between my heels in a W pose, double checking my belongings and patting down my clothes, ignoring the raging protest in my lungs.

After I had finished the draft of my Self-Insert in Self-Insert, I had changed into... an outfit I was planning on going shopping in. _Perfect_ adventure material. I could already feel the seams groaning.

I was definitely _not_ comfortable in my loose-ish, white T-shirt with a black, denim, overall skirt layered over it. Especially not since it was currently clinging onto my _larger than normal boobs_. I had sheer tights that had miraculously _not ripped_ and my usual lace-up, black leather, calf boots. I froze when I realised that somewhere in the depths of the sea,my mini, cross body bag was floating around. It had my _money_ and my _iPhone_ in it. Bloody hell.

A wooden mug, sloshing with water, was shoved under my nose. Feeling slightly numb, I dipped my head in thanks as I shakily accepted the water. I stared into the rippling water, eyeing my slightly altered reflection. Larger eyes, daintier nose, smaller chin but still 97-ish% my face.

The average brown eyes, the average black hair and the average pale skin. Well, pale skin wasn't _that_ common but only because my classmates were _adamant_ on getting their skin a ' _golden, sexy bronze.'_

Thank the Tea Goddess that I didn't get forced into a purple-haired, green eyed, attention screaming appearance. When I think of Wano Kuni's colour scheme, I fight back a grimace. Like honestly, pink hair? _Teal_ hair? Seriously?

It's like Oda decided to dump a colour blind artist's paint palette onto the characters.

Like Vinsmokes? Fine! It's not like 0-ju, 1, 2 and 4-ji were _completely_ human, and maybe Judge had fooled around with hair dye. Maybe he had planned for a little, I don't know, _rainbow_ harbingers of death and destruction or whatever.

At least most of Luffy's crew was quite norma- stop right there. Stop right there, you mad lass. _Excluding_ the bizarre personalities and Devil Fruit wonders, the Strawhats are not _that..._ colourful. Like say Luffy: tan skin, black hair, brown eyes. Very average, I approve. But Oda probably _had_ to give him a semi-ordinary appearance to counterbalance his personality. Nami and Robin, proportions aside, are also naturally coloured. Franky's hair... I mean, it's Franky, end of conversation. And Zoro... probably grew out of a cabbage patch.

Ahem, I meant, there's a gazillion fan theories on Zoro's parents and heritage and how he _might've_ came from Wano. That'd explain the katana addiction. And the hair. 

Even the Whitebeard pirates were fairly normal. (And I meant their colouring, not their height or horribly unproportioned muscle mass.)

And oh Tea, I am, presumably, _in_ the crazy world I was internally ranting about. I sipped on the water and inwardly sobbed at how it wasn't my relaxing Mint-Rosemary-Lemongrass herbal tea that I usually brew when I'm having a crisis. (Like the one I am currently facing.)

I didn't dare look up lest I saw a face I had last seen _on the other side of a Television screen._

But I really couldn't deny the rocking and crashing of waves or the wood beneath my legs. I had either been kidnapped and dumped into the sea, then miraculously been saved by some sailors, boat-people, fishermen... 

_Or_ I had been dumped into the world of This Bites! or One Piece ~~maybe an entirely different universe.~~

"How are you feeling now-yoi?" 

And oh bloody hell. Enter the eccentric verbal tics. One Piece or This Bites! verse it is. 

"Just peachy." I croaked before clearing my throat. "As amazing as I definitely look. And I would feel even better if you tell me I'm not in the Grand Line or, for the love of Tea, the _New World."_

"Why tea?"

"'Tis the balm to my soul." I muttered tonelessly, looking up at the _First Commander of the Whitebeard Pirates, Marco,_ with wide eyes, _daring_ him to disagree.

'He does _not_ have pineapple hair.' I offhandedly thought, 'Luffy is just disturbingly attached to the idea of food and Robin... Robin was always a little on the more peculiar side.'

"The latter-yoi. You somehow managed to get into the waters of the New World and not drown."

I vaguely thought that most people would usually freak out in occurrences like this. I, however, could not be bothered to do that. Afterall, freaking out was too much of a pain. Besides, 99.9% of my consciousness was deeming this as an extremely lucid dream. And if this wasn't a dream... then, well, I'll freak out later. I gave myself a mental pat on the back, not acknowledging the 0.1% of my brain that was very passionately questioning my sanity.

'I was lucky,' I realised, 'my ribs didn't hurt, indicating that my pulse hadn't dropped, CPR not being necessary. My lungs burn like hellfire, but now I could breathe slowly without suffocating which means I hadn't inhaled much liquid.' 

I was still slightly irked at the fact that I, a semi-barely-drowned person, was just dumped onto the deck and expected to be perfectly fine. Granted, I was, but...

Then I remembered Cross passing out from a single Nami-punch and wrestled back a groan. They had most likely realised that I hadn't inhaled too much saltwater and left me to it. Most _One Piece_ people would be perfectly fine but I was very heatedly _not_ a One Piece person.

Great. Weak as fuck body that I am _not_ willing to work out for.

I gingerly placed the mug down and wobbled to my feet. Walking a few steps towards the railing on the right side of the ship, the starboard, I think, (like _I_ knew anything about boats or ships), I felt very conscious of the eyes surreptitiously following me and tracking my movements. I felt very _concerned_ when their hands twitched near their weapons. I peered over the railing and _woah,_ that was _very_ far down. 

I turned around and saw dozens of eyes staring at me. Particularly an _enormously framed_ man with IV drips and monitors surrounding him, old, yet stupefyingly domineering. Piercing golden eyes drilled holes into my skull- I was already terrified and they hadn't even done more than look at me like I was a monkey doing parlour tricks.

Heavens bloody fuck. It really was the Moby Dick.

I turned back around to rhythmically bang my head against the railing, 

_Thud._ "Fuck." _Thud._ "Fuck." _Thud._ "Fuck." _Thud._ "Fuck." _Thud._ "Fuck." _Thud. Thud._ "Fuck." 

Even though I did it lightly, because dealing with severe concussions would be a major pain, I still felt a slight throb on my forehead. But currently, I needed anything I could get, even pain, to keep me grounded. After mentally preparing myself, I straightened my back then turned around for the second time to face the pirates, sliding on my usual I-hate-my-life, tight lipped smile.

Feeling increasingly intimidated by the curious and suspicious stares, I opened my mouth to announce my innocence but the sentence that came out made me whirl around to bang my head against the railing again.

"Apologies if I sound presumptuous, but does anyone here have Tea?"

* * *

"Sorry about my first request, Whitebeard-san, I'm rather... _extremely,_ socially inept," I grimaced, a sheepish expression on my face. After a towel had been chucked towards me, and thank Tea for that, I had sat Indian style on the deck across from Whitebeard's chair, using the fabric to shield my body against the wind.

"Yer spoke like a noble 'n we thought ya mighta been one if it weren't fer ye weird clothes." A pirate said, squinting at me.

"Sorry dude, I can't really let that go without a jab of my own-" I looked at his black and green striped hat, green pants and cardinal red deep V-cut shirt.

"-Watermelon." I bluntly say.

It was when the ship turned silent, that I realised that not only had I, a weaker than normal civilian, just criticized a _pirate_ but- was that _Curiel?_

"Please tell me I didn't just insult a commander." I deadpanned, sliding on a neutral expression with practised ease, my face not betraying my cartwheeling heartrate. 

"Tenth Division Commander." Curiel asserted, _thankfully,_ just looking amused. I took a moment to appreciate that I wasn't riddled with bullets and another pirate chortles.

"You scared that lass half ta death, _watermelon."_

Wait, what... "Was I that transparent or is it just your strong-people senses?" I frowned.

"Our... what?" 

"Like I don't know, your legendary, awe-striking, Yonko mystery powers?" I didn't feel any repentance stealing a phrase from Luffy. Afterall, Haki and the lot _were_ mysterious and legendarily bullshit.

"L-legendary..." A pirate said dazedly.

"Awe-striking..." Another pirate sniggered.

"Yonko mystery powers?!" The whole deck erupted in giggles and I watched, marginally baffled, as some poked each other, parroting 'awe-striking' and 'legendary' like five year olds. 

I reviewed my words, not seeing anything wrong with it- other than my usual dose of sarcasm, that is. 

I didn't know whether I should be glad that they aren't planning on eviscerating me (yet), whether I should be laughing with them or whether I should be offended that my _very_ _sound_ logic was being brushed off. 

"I don't see why you're confused, kid." Marco shook his head. "Civilians, if you are one, or nobles especially, don't usually dish out compliments like that-yoi. And so dryly too."

"See?!" I nearly jumped up in chagrin. "How could you tell I was confused? Mystery senses again! ...Unless my emotions were just that see-through." I balked at that suggestion because in _my_ world, I was fairly good at hiding my emotions, it was probably the only decent, people-skill I had.

"For yer sake, I'm gonna honestly tell ya that it's just yer presence fluctuatin'." Curiel said exasperatedly. "Ya outwardly don't look any different but we can use our... mystery powers." 

"And also to make thing's clear, I am _not_ a noble," I said heatedly, before the laughter could start again. "If I _was_ one of those haughty, egotistical bastards, then I would've screamed at you 'scoundrels' and 'filthy pirates' for 'besmirching' the 'amazing, honourable me'... or something." I droned dully. "Then, I would've demanded a five-star room with cocktails and servant girls to tend to me, have I missed something?"

"Yeah!" Thatch called out. "Nobles don't bang their heads against raili-" 

"Very descriptive," Izo cut over him, much to Thatch's displeasure and my gratitude. I wasn't really up for a commentary on how I might've possibly given myself brain damage.

"So suppose you aren't a noble, you do know that tea is kind of a delicacy here, right? Anyone who can buy tea leaves and have access to hot water might as well be rich. Others wouldn't bother because it's essentially just expensive, flavoured water."

"Sacrilege!" I actually jumped up in indignation this time, towel pooling by my feet, "Tea should be universal!" I sat back down with a shiver as another gust of wind blew by. "This 'expensive, flavoured water' has many benefits, mind you."

"Right, on topic," Marco declared, as he snapped to attention, probably just realising that I had unintentionally guided them into a Tea-table talk, "who are you? To have been _here_ of all places without being either dead already or on the verge of?"

"I'm... lucky?" Even _I_ didn't sound convinced. "You are... justifiably suspicious of me but I can assure you that I am _not,_ by all means, a stupid Marine that decided to infiltrate your ship in an asinine attempt to fool you."

I dared to look up at Whitebeard's face then almost gawked from the sheer _height_ he had over me. Damn Oda with his minimum-of-three-metres-tall, scary pirates. And from memory, Whitebeard was, what, nearly 7m tall? 

"That," his voice, though soft, held wisdom and power as it resonated across the ship, "sounded awfully descriptive. How do I know that you aren't just an utterly horrible or amazing liar?"

"Wait, for real?" I raised both my eyebrows, looking around at the pirates for some sort of confirmation, flabbergasted, "do Marines actually attack ships like this?"

"The World Government gets desperate," Ace remarked and I had slowly started to construct my placement in timeline, seeing as Ace is... _alive._ I inwardly wince. Perfect, absolutely _perfect_ timing.

"They send off cannon fodder to act as desperate civilians or something of the sort, then they try to attack us in our sleep."

Ace grinned, showing all too many teeth for it to be counted as anything but a threat.

"It never works." 

And maybe I was meant to feel intimidated but it was almost hilarious because, well-

"Duh." I snarked shamelessly. I scanned the crowd, looking for familiar faces- Vista, Jozu... I shoved down a snarl at the sight of Blackbeard's face, Haruta, a multitude of nameless pirates... "Big, scary, notorious Yonko and they _still_ think playing Shakespeare would work. As if even a _chore boy_ of the crew of the hailed _'_ _Strongest Man in the World'_ would fall to an acting damsel. It's like they think you became one of the most powerful pirates from sentiment alone."

"Gurarararara," Whitebeard guffaws and my eyes snap back to his figure quaking with laughter because while it was a strange laugh, it was genuine and kind. It made the insides of my stomach feel warm and tingly like it does after a cup of nice Tea. I didn't know such a weird laugh could sound so nice.

And also, it wasn't just meant to be comedy relief? People _actually_ laugh like that? 

Most pirates chuckled then returned to their business as if I was deemed unimportant, or rather, not a threat anymore. And, _hah_ wasn't that funny? _Me,_ very likely the weakest person in these Seven Seas, _might_ have been a threat.

"Cheeky brat. Though what you said is true, you still aren't a person of trust especially because we don't know the reason behind your sudden appearance. We're deep in the New World seas and far from the islands surrounding. Few merchant ships enter this route as it holds an abundance of malicious pirates. You are extremely lucky,"

 _'Very,'_ I thought, imagining what would've happened if I ended up on a pillaging, killing and raping pirate crew's ship.

"-And coincidences in the Grand Line should never be overlooked." 

I had few options at my disposal and I felt my morals and my priorities war in my mind. I wasn't about to do a Jeremiah Cross and join a _crew,_ like for Tea's sake, how did he _think_ that being with the _Strawhats_ of all pirate crews would be a good option? Yes, you ultimately _would_ survive and see potentially the most amazing sights and fights in existence _buuuuuuut_ it also means saying hi and hello to constant injuries and the doorstep of death every. Single. Time.

Then again, he was an adrenaline junkie. He got off at that shit all the time.

I thought of Cross's fried arms and shivered. I also very much did _not_ have his guts. Or a handy, trump-card Devil Fruit like Soundbite's to give me a leeway.

I wracked my brains for what to do- I could either yeet as soon as the next, _liveable_ island comes (cuz this is _the New World_ and apart of myself hadn't even acknowledged this as reality) _or_ I could leap into the fray like Cross did and tell them that I had universe-travelled and in consequence, potentially avoid the literally, world-shaking disaster... 

Yeah, I wasn't brave enough to open that can of worms (yet).

"Arghh! What a _pain."_ I run a hand through my scalp, glowering when I felt the tell-tale brittleness of dried salt.

"Yeah, girly, drowning usually does that to you," Thatch grinned before swinging the door open and leaving. I stared for a moment at his figure because while I _knew_ the Whitebeard pirates were friendly ones, seeing it in _person..._

"Does it surprise you?" Whitebeard rumbled.

"Not as much as it should," I scrunched up my nose. "I don't know how to describe it, but most of you have a nice... I don't know, _aura_ around you."

"Most?" Ace narrowed his eyes suspiciously before Marco drags him away saying, "You have your Commander work you need to do."

'Commander status,' I resisted the urge to rub my temples. 'Thatch's murder is going to happen soon.'

It was then when I realised that I was one of the only people on deck.

"Uh... so..." I squinted at Whitebeard, "what do I do?"

"Well you could start off with your name and your intentions."

And oh _right,_ I can't believe that I had stalled that query for so long.

"My name doesn't matter that much, if we're all being honest. It's not like I'm any type of soldier, let alone a famous one."

After a beat of awkward silence, Whitebeard raises a brow.

"Uh... my name is Nanami," I hastily created a pseudonym. "Hayase Nanami. My current intention is to _not_ faceplant onto my most recent adversary: the ocean- so it'd be _très apprécié_ if you didn't throw me off the ship or do something equally terrifying like blasting me with Conqueror's Haki or Gura-Gura-ing my face in."

Whatever noise left on the deck had now completely dissipated at my blunt tone. Once again, I damned my interpersonal skills- quarantine had been a bad influence.

"Nanami... meaning seven seas?" 

I glanced at Whitebeard, startled and mildly perplexed, then decided to humour his strange question.

"The Four Blues, Paradise and the New World."

"That's six."

"And," I dusted my legs as I stood up, completely missing the surprise on Whitebeard's face, _"One Sea."_

(Later, I would realise that I had given away way too much information to be a mere civilian.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what do u think? unrealistic? too addicted to Tea?
> 
> welp, i know it says self-insert but it's mainly 'inserting' the less saner part of me. if i was actually there, then i would go headless chicken mode 100. probably even more so than cross had.
> 
> but its not like this is a serious fic so ehe  
> the self-indulgent tag is there for a reason~
> 
> if you liked it ples leave a kudo and a comment :p
> 
> (and if you didn't like it... uh, have a good day? please dont annihilate me in the comments?)
> 
> see ya :D
> 
> edit: btw if u didn't get the 'one sea' thing it's just my personal favourite theory on what the one piece is. its the one abt three ancient weapons blowing up the red line and fishman island gets destroyed blah blah and every sea joins together- ok i think you get what i mean. maybe. 
> 
> tl;dr: essentially, one piece = all blue
> 
> or something...


	2. how to make yonko doubt your sanity: off balance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> how to make yonko doubt your sanity:
> 
> step 1: request Tea  
> step 2: obtain +1 pirate bestie  
> step 3:  
> step 4:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was just thinking abt this. yk, oda's bwh measurements
> 
> id read this bites! a while ago and at that time i had skimmed over a few parts so i never really recalled Cross talking abt the realistic-ness of the people.
> 
> and since cross is a male, he doesnt suffer from oda's 90-60-90 measurements. just a thought. merely self-indulgent ranting, dont mind how blatantly shameless this is going to be.
> 
>   
> paulie is shaking-
> 
> bwh rant part 1

When I had stood up to leave, I felt my balance tip forward and- 

"Woah- shite!" I windmilled my arms to keep myself from falling over. When I had liquid in my lungs and shock clouding my mind, I had never taken the actual time to realise that Oda's drawings had...

Disgraceful! Profanity!

Though luckily they weren't as exaggerated... if then, I'd be _extremely_ worried for my ribs, but still!

I was an average female with average everythings. Having these two... these two _jugs_ was not planned. Tsunade, who? 

_Sure- Fine!_ This was probably the new average- thinking of Boa Hancock's _one metre_ bust, but I _wasn't_ an insanely strong Warlord who could kick ass (and puppies) in heels while balancing half my body weight on a 60cm middle. I was an average girl used to _average boobs._ And when I say average, I meant _my world average._

My lower back hurt from the amount of boob weight I had. 

And that was another thing, _waist_. I looked even worse than the women who modelled for waist cinches. It's like I'm having a bad case of Jessica Rabbit. 

Centring my balance, I cleared my throat, slightly mortified, before regarding Whitebeard again. "Can I wander? I've never been this far out on the seas before and my curiosity proceeds me. Yonko ship and all, might as well milk it for all it's worth." 

"Ok."

I did a double-take at the instant permission. I tilted my head upwards, my mouth agape in bafflement before I snapped it shut.

"Thanks." I simply replied before pausing. Did I need to dismiss myself? Bow on the way out? Kowtow? Is there a pirate guest code? Apart from giving sake, I didn't remember anything from the series. 

I just dipped my head before leaving, a plan forming in mind. First, clothes, then... uh, survive?

Amazing plan.

A change of clothes it is. The ickiness on my skin was unbearable.

I headed over to the infirmary because I knew the nurses were female. Well, 'headed over' was more like warily asking passing pirates where the infirmary was. This ship was a darned maze.

But then I paused at the door, straining my mind to remember what they wore. No doubt it was on the more vulgar side, with short cut dresses and diving cleavages. 

The door swung open and-

"Oh, hello there," the woman smiled a saccharine smile, her red tinted lips stretching. She gracefully flicked a blonde lock out of her face and yep, the eye-searing pink dress was cut just below the butt. Leopard print heels stretched all the way up to mid-thigh. I nearly took a step back when she twirled a syringe behind her. "I don't recognise you, do you happen to be a recruit?"

"Oh nah." I hastily shook my head, eyes flicking back to her face after ensuring my distance from that terrifying needle. "Whitebeard-san couldn't possibly recruit someone this deep in the sea. One of your men saved me from drowning."

"Oh," the woman glances at my wet clothes, and the needle was _still_ there. "You're that girl Namur saved. I nearly forgot about you."

It was actually nice to hear that I was still a boring person. Looking like you jumped out of Vogue was an ideal I never really empathised with.

"Sorry, that came off a bit rude. I've had a busy morning, but it is no excuse to talk that way." She frowned.

"No it's fine, thanks actually." I said honestly. "I prefer looking unremarkable."

"Uh, interesting. So, were you looking for a change of clothes?" 

"Yes," I eyed the syringe. "Please. Ma'am." I tacked on for good measure. Then she laughed, the needle _finally_ gone.

"It's Bethany. Here, follow me, you seem about my height, you can borrow a spare."

"Hayase Nanami and thanks again, it probably means nothing from a civilian, but I owe you one." I was actually mulling over my name because did anyone I know in One Piece even _use_ Japanese names? And my name is so close to Nami's that I kind of want to choose it again. 

"Would you happen to have one that _isn't_ pink?" I said aloud, peering over Bethany's shoulder to see rooms filled with pink clad nurses, nearly squeaking when she turned to me, brows raised.

"I'm not judging," I quickly added. "I just won't be able to pull off pink as well as any of you do." I shivered when I thought about wearing that disgustingly _bright_ colour, recalling the days in Kindergarten when my female classmates would dress up as Sleeping Beauty or Cinderella, a few even came in Wonder Woman clothes. I couldn't believe that their parents would've allowed four year olds to wear those kind of clothes. High heels, laces, borderline lingerie and the lot.

I shivered again. "And that's to put it lightly. I would probably look better in a kill-me orange spandex."

I felt horribly out of place when she led me into her very homey looking room filled with sticky notes and stacks of medicine books here and there. She opened her wardrobe and pulled out an Uzumaki-Naruto-orange-coloured spandex. Bethany looked completely serious, holding the clothes wrack towards me like an offering.

"I-" I gaped, poleaxed. "I was kidding. Please do not make me wear that."

After a few terrifying seconds, a joking smile spread across her face and she takes _the_ _monstrosity_ away. I released a sigh of relief I didn't know I had been holding.

"Why do you even have that anyway?"

"Don't insinuate that my fashion sense would have wanted that." Bethany wrinkled her nose. "It was a dare. Don't ask."

"Yes boss." I mock saluted lazily, shoving away the burning curiosity that rose inside of me.

"How about this?" She held up a dress that looked almost exactly the same to Robin's outfit in the Enies Lobby saga. Except while it still was a short-cut, black leather dress, it was also high collared and sleeveless. Thank Tea it didn't have a plunging neckline. 

"Thanks, I'll return it after I uh- am, um, done with it? And washed it?" I cringed, once again, Stage 4 Lockdown induced awkwardness, damn you!

Bethany smirked, thankfully humouring my clumsiness, "you can keep it, or if you don't like it, just chuck it. It was getting pretty small anyway."

I nodded graciously. In my world, if I ever wore something like that, my friends would ask if I was becoming a stripper. But in this world, wearing the barest scraps of fabric is counted as a fashion trend.

Oda. Smh.

I let her usher me into the bathrooms and once I stepped out ten minutes later, I had worn the dress I was given and my cleaned and dried out my boots. I _knew_ it was the right decision to buy high quality ones. I was initially gunning for the 'cheap but still looks the same' type but once again, my gut instinct have saved crises!

(And yes, wearing Ariana-Grande-high boots is counted as a crisis.)

Blissfully _un-salty,_ my feet took me back to the infirmary. I pointedly ignored the fact that I was probably acting like a lost puppy right now.

"Bethany's not here if you're looking for her. She's checking up on Oyaji." Another nurse, with two black braids and sunglasses tell me, looking up from the mess of papers pinned onto a clipboard. "I'm Isabelle, by the way. Nanami, right? You should head to the dining hall, go meet everyone."

"Uh- Not to sound like a kid, but I'm a bit _nervous_ about meeting a whole room full of pirates." A _bit,_ hah. 

"I... had heard that the first thing you said after waking up was a criticism of Curiel's clothes. You shouldn't _be_ particularly nervous?"

"Oh no, I didn't do that. I ask for Tea first and _then_ I criticised his clothes." I recounted as neutrally as I could.

"My point exactly, shoo. Go meet my stupid brothers." 

I let myself be shoved away, stumbling gracelessly out of the infirmary.

* * *

My footstep sounded way too loud as everyone paused over their plates, heads swinging towards me, frozen like mannequins. _Tea,_ am I really that interesting?

After a few extremely awkward seconds, they go back to eating, the volume of the room steadily increasing. I sighed in relief, walking as unnoticeably as I could to the very corner of the room- the most inconspicuous place. I always went to the corners of the room in parties I was forced to attend, you find the most like-minded people there.

"Heyo!" Thatch joined me in the corner and based off the little of his personality I remembered, he _wasn't_ a like-minded person. He probably saw a pitiful girl trying to get away from scary pirates. But little did he know, he _was_ a scary one. Thatch was well past the 2 metre mark. Way more than a head taller than me.

"Shouldn't you be cooking?" The words blurted out of my mouth and I cringed instinctively at my blunt words. I needed to get my filter back ASAP, I was blabbing so much, maybe I should hold a record.

"How did you know I was a cook?" Thatch grinned with honest curiosity.

_Because I read about you when you were just a character in a book. (A character that was introduced with their death.)_

"You carry a very distinct smell of food, and you dress... chef-ly, I don't know." I floundered. "You give off chef vibes?"

He threw his head back and laughed, and I took a moment to gape at his gravity defying hair then momentarily realised that these pirates laugh a _darn_ lot. At this rate, I'll end up looking like a gloomy person who doesn't feel mirth. 

"Why doncha go meet the boys? Don't tell me- are you scared?" It sounded like a challenge but-

"Oh yes, definitely." I nodded violently, just enough that I felt mildly dizzy. "Scared as fuckery. Did you expect me to not be?"

"Girl, you... literally called a Whitebeard Commander a watermelon."

I squinted up at him, "Maybe the situation was out of my depth?"

"Uh, wha-"

I forged on doggedly, "Majority of my brain had imploded? And my frontal lobe had completely disintegrated? And the only part left of my mind was the Tea-fanatic, slightly insane part?"

"Ok... so uh, have you, um, patched your brain together?" The chef had looked so befuddled that I almost snickered.

"Oh yeah, I got my brain now. And right now, that brain is telling me that: pirates equal scary. Scary equals stay the fuck away unless you want to get eviscerated." I said evenly, nodding self-assuredly. "Can't you tell?" I gestured to his head, or rather, his enormous pompadour. "Mystery Yonko powers?"

"...I, uh, um... do you... want tea?" 

Usually I'd face palm at such lack of subtlety but it seemed like my frontal lobe was still in a state of malfunction.

So the Tea-fanatic, slightly insane part of my brain gripped his shoulders and demanded. "You. Have. Tea?"

* * *

"Best friend."

I almost started crying after I had brewed my long awaited Tea, it felt like a part of my soul had returned to me. "I don't care that you're a scary Yonko Commander who is stupid tall and stupid strong." I sipped on my Ginger-Lemon Tea. "Best friend." I reiterated severely.

"Oh Blue, did y'all hear that?" I could hear Thatch squawk smugly. "The tea girl said _I_ was her best friend. You suckers, _loooooserrrs._ You lonely _losers._ I bet none of you have civvy friends."

"It's not tea girl," I cleared my throat, not caring in the least of my dismissively dubbed name. "It's _Tea_ girl. With a capital 'T'." After receiving a bemused expression, I huffed, rolling my eyes. "Show the superior beverage some respect, you lowly mortal." 

"Ah, yes, ok, I got it- maybe. Ahem, _Tea_ girl says I'm her friend, you loooos-"

"Oh shut up, Thatch." Another pirate flicks a spoon at the commander. "We get it already, you ain't a lonely fuck like ya used to be. No big deal. But hey, didn't someone make a bet saying that you'd never get a woman friend with how disgustingly flirtatious you were?" 

"What? I am _not._ But a-HAH, Johnny, you owe me a thousand." Thatch stepped onto his seat, pointing dramatically at a dark haired man two tables away and sniffed. "Not so confident now, are you? Suck on that, you loser."

Wow, Oda had never shown his utterly unimaginative insults in the manga before. Raising my head from my Tea, I chirped. "I'm still a young'un and not legally a woman. Sorry."

Johnny's hand snapped back to his chest, and at second glance- was he _kissing_ his beri bills? "Hah! Little girls don't count, Commander."

"I thought you said I was your best friend?" He swung his head towards me and, dare I say, _whined._

I lowered my cup and nodded like a wizened woman, sagely replying, "It would be terrible if I let my best friend descend into the dark path of fraudery, wouldn't it now?"

I sipped on my Tea again and pretended that I didn't pay heed to Thatch's exaggerated stagger and his bellows of 'betrayal'. 

~~Betrayal. It was just another reminder that Thatch would get backstabbed.~~

* * *

That evening, there was a fuss on where I would sleep. Because if I was dangerous, the nurses couldn't defend themselves as strongly. But then again, as far as they knew, I was a civilian girl so they couldn't toss me in the barracks.

I ended up being posted on the innermost bed of the nurses' cabins. 

I basically ripped off the leather dress to put on my clean white shirt.

'Ah, the comfort of normal-people clothes.' 

I thought I'd get a comfortable sleep with the tiresome day of nearly drowning and, you know, casually waking up in a different world, but I didn't. I laid awake and every time sleep would wrap their arms around my consciousness-

An annoying dark monster of agitation would slap me awake.

'Where am I? Why am I here? What am I going to do?' My heart would do a weird panicked jerk and I would twitch, then my sleep would retreat far, far away. 'One Piece... Whitebeard... Blackbeard... fuck fuck fuck, what do I do?' I could feel a maelstrom of thoughts demanding to be resolved but- 'I don't know, I don't know what to do.' I shoved the thoughts deep into the recesses of my mind and tried. To. Sleep.

I glared at the ceiling when my mind decided to start jumping skipping ropes.

After tracing every curve and line of the wooden ceiling with my eyes, I threw an arm over my face to block my vision. After five minutes, my arm started to ache so I rolled over. My spine started to cramp so I turned around.

The process was boring, monotonous but I needed to sleep. I _needed to-_

Out. 

I'd finally decided to head out, away from the stuffiness of the room and the thoughts that clung to me persistently. I was near certain that I was annoying everyone with my tossing and turning. I made a beeline to the deck, padding quietly in bare feet. There wasn't anywhere else I could've gone anyway. 

Some had awoken, few eyes had stared at me suspiciously but I just hunched my shoulders, walking past them before they could question my intentions.

I guess the sleeping arrangement's meticulous planning on how-to-corner-me-if-I-happened-to-be-dangerous didn't even matter because I couldn't sleep in the end. What a pain.

When I creaked the door open, my hand lingered on the wooden frame. The wind was cold and I could feel goose bumps trailing across my entire body, but the chill was welcomed, it felt like the salty wind could brush the heavy thoughts off my mind.

I walked over to the railing, not certain on what I was thinking about doing. The railings on the Moby Dick (God the _Moby Dick,_ what the _fuck-_ ) weren't going to stop me from lurching over the edge if it hits a violent wave. I consciously ignored the person on night watch, who was drilling holes into the back of my head.

Even with the very probable possibility of me drowning again, I still walked towards it, gingerly touching the finely painted wood. I felt a bit irritated at the fact that the railing was nearly taller than me.

Damn these enormous pirates. Damn Oda. And damn my brain for not stopping me from hooking my arms over it.

I stood on my toes and leaned over the rail, once again cursing at my new boobs from making the action so uncomfortable, peering down at the gently sloshing waves. 

It was so far down, yet that wasn't even the thing that scared me the most. I was already fairly terrified of the ocean in _my world_ after reading the stories of the enormous squids, scary turtles, poisonous rock-fish and the lightbulb fish... or whatever names my 2am brain liked to bastardise, even though I knew that they were veryyy far down, in places that I could never swim down to.

Though in the _New World,_ they had even scarier creatures. And I wasn't even going to start on them. (Gigantic sea fish-bird-wtf-hybrids and wtf-aquatic-centipedes and-).

The murky waters were dark and mysterious, frightening in a way that scares me the most: it was unpredictable, anything could come out of it. The only light reflecting on the surface and giving even a _semblance_ on what might be underneath was the Moon and the eerie glow only made the sea look more haunting.

I was still waiting for the shock of being dumped into this world to come (or pass), I was waiting for the hysterical panic of never seeing my friends or family again. But at the thought of never seeing my past life, I only felt lighter... free.

(That idea disgusted me even more.)

Whatever scraps of the screwy life I had lead from before didn't exist here. The dysfunctional, psychological mess of familial relationships didn't exist here. My friends (those people) were 'friends' in name only and maybe I was a bit selfish, a bit greedy for wanting more yet not doing anything to change it. They weren't here.

They didn't exist in this world. And I liked it. 

I relished in the idea of the fact that _there's no one here._

(Both nice _and_ unscrupulous people would miss their friends, their families and their world if they were in my position. Then what did that make me if I was even more morally fucked up than the degenerates of both worlds?)

If, by any chance, the conditions were the same as Cross's, then I wouldn't need to worry about as many things. But that didn't shorten the list very far. I may very possibly die very young in this world. But what was a long monotonous life? I did always talk about average, normal, boring. I say I liked it. I do.

But that's because anything and everything else was judged. Was I really 'trapped' in the One Piece universe? Or had I just been liberated from my old, faulty one? I felt like a puppet that had once danced on strings. Falling gracelessly when an asshole (a saviour) decided to cut all the ropes controlling me, and dropping lifelessly, useless but finally, _finally_ free.

And completely useless I was. This was _One Piece_. With racism harsher, slavery truer and the entire globe filled with morally ambiguous megalomaniacs.

That's excluding the fact that I was in the time that was- _is_ hailed 'Great Age of Piracy' with scary pirates, scarier Marines and-

I was in the dead centre of it.

All of that fuckery and I hadn't even _touched_ the tip of the iceberg. Fuck fuck _shit_. I suddenly felt weary, tired and almost _childishly_ afraid. There was so much to sort out, so much to _do._ I was curious, unbearably so and I wanted _answers_ like how my toddler self used to question the existence of safety gates. _Why?_ I had a thirst of knowledge that, _for once,_ I couldn't sate through textbooks or Google.

It felt like the 'I'll tell you when you're older' all over again. Except this time, I possibly may _never_ get my answers. It made me feel horribly off balance.

What happens to the timeline? Was I fucked up for wanting to prevent Thatch's murder yet doing nothing to prevent it? Should I tell them or should I not? Is Cross here or is he not? My female hormones were screaming at me to cry pathetically and I always _hated_ crying. It did nothing to help, it worsens matters and makes my brain hurt.

If this 'crying' thing also came with this One Piece universe then I'll storm Impel Down to go find Ivankov to change genders.

Nada. _Zilch._

It was strangely calm for the seas of the New World. I lowered back down from the tips of my toes, arms resting horizontally across the railing, I leaned my head against the cool wood and vaguely wondered whether or not jumping into the sea will take me back.

Not that I'd go anywhere near that salty, icky body of water. The ocean could go fuck itself.

As if in reply, the waves rocked and I got pushed away from the railing. 

"Bitch." I hissed out at the dark lapping waves after securing my hold on the wood.

It rocked again and this time, the railing hit my face. 

The ocean was _truly_ my newest adversary.

That, at least, is clear.

(Years later, recalling this fateful event that was hence christened the name: 'the-night-the-sea-bitch-slapped-me', I would realise that I had done something horrible, something _completely_ irredeemable- something I had said I _never would do_ and that was... to brood.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> should i change nanami's name? it was just a random name i thought of on the spot but...
> 
> also i have shit clue on how to deal w the nurses. as far as i know, whitebeard didn't have any females on his ship other than toki and whitey bay. besides, in the anime, he was quite dismissive of the nurses and they called him 'captain' and not 'oyaji'. so slightly not-cannon but eh.
> 
> btw in the last sentence 'the-night-the-sea-bitch-slapped-me' it can either be read as the sea-bitch ORR the sea bitch-slapped ur choice :D
> 
> if it has grammar mistakes, sorry not sorry, i edited half of this last second :p
> 
> tell me what y'all think. (well if u think it sucks, please dont tell me)  
> :D


	3. how to make yonko doubt your sanity: harbinger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> how to make yonko doubt your sanity:
> 
> step 1: request Tea  
> step 2: obtain +1 pirate bestie  
> step 3: ---  
> step 4:

After about a week of sailing, I came to realise that an unspoken rule decreed that I must be in the vision of a Commander at all times. Because I was suspicious.

I'm pretty sure the less suspicious I acted, the more they suspected me. What a pain.

And that means that I witness my complete helplessness in this world first-handedly: navigation, cartography, general knowledge, history... and that was putting fighting prowess aside. A bigger pain.

I sat down by a dumbbell that was towering over my figure, watching the spar between Haruta and Vista. The three sabres danced in speeds that I could not keep up with. I had nigh 20-20 vision.

They had said they were 'only warming up'.

Any person in my position- thrown into a stupidly overpowered world- would feel about as mighty as an infant. I give a dramatic sigh and turned to leave when a stray pirate- Robert, I think he had introduced himself as, stopped me. 

"I'm going to sulk-" I replied to his silent question. "-with a wooden door because Tea Gods forbid, there's no one in this darned ship that I can commiserate my weakness with. I swear even Stefan is stronger than me."

I gestured at the white fluffy dog who casually knocked down a quarter-tonne dumbbell. "Never mind," I corrected, "Stefan _is_ stronger than me."

* * *

"Why do you carve Seastone weapons?" I was currently standing five metres away, squinting at Izo's chisel... tool thingy. 

"Why are you standing so far away?" He turned to raise an elegant brow. 

"Aren't you scared that the little chips of stone will fly into your face or something?" I screeched, gesturing wildly. "I feel like if I get too close, a sharp piece of Seastone will lodge into my eyeball and I'll be forever blind."

Though he was five metres away, I got the feeling that he was rolling his eyes at me. "Are civilians all as frail as you?"

"No, I'm just special." I responded in a deadpan manner.

"Where do you come from anyway?" The commander asked in between the _'clang-clang-clang'_ -ing of the chisel tool... thingy.

"Wow, I thought y'all were done getting information from me." I raised both eyebrows. "And now you aren't even being subtle about it. Heaven, I hope you won't turn to torture any time soon. Now, _that_ would be a major pain."

"No," Izo huffed out a laugh. "What do you even talk about while you're in our company? I can't imagine Rakuyo or Haruta staying quiet while they're on 'Tea-girl duty'... as so eloquently dubbed."

"It's awkward, it's alwaaaayyys so awkward." I chuckled. "Half the people I've met look at me weird- like I'm an alien... or something." At least I managed to avoid Ace and Blackbeard...

"Of course, they would," The commander snorted. "Because we've met people in your position and half of them are dead and the other half are- uh, recruited."

I choked.

"So yeah, we've never _actually_ saved a civilian who miraculously ended up half drowning- of course people would take to it strangely. Don't question it." Izo says dryly. "So humour me, where do you come from, how is it like? For you to be so attached to tea..."

"I'd say other people just don't give Tea the appreciation it deserves," I scoffed dramatically. "As for where I come from..." _I come from a_ _nother world._ Well then, I couldn't exactly say that.

"I come from far, far away." I said to quote about half the fairy tales in the world, "so far away that I don't think I can return to that place anymore." I gave myself a mental pat on the back- 101 points for vagueness.

"Do you miss it?" Izo holds a small spearhead in the light of his adjusted lamp. 

"Not so far, I feel like both here and there are places I don't want to be."

'Damn straight,' I think despondently. I'd rather have been spawned in the East Blue like Cross had been. 

"Oh?" He turned, looking bemused. "You don't like being out on sea?"

"N-no, I meant-" I pressed my lips together. "You do realise you're notorious pirates wanted for millions right?" 

"With how you interact with us 'notorious pirates'... I didn't expect that would be the reason why. You won't be harmed unless you're planning something malicious." As the Seastone weapon glinted, I was _very_ sure that that was yet another hidden threat.

"Well then," I exhaled sharply. "What was _your_ home like?" 

"Hmm," The clicking sound resumed as he chipped away at the stone. "It's an isolated place so I don't have much intel on what happened there. But when I was small, it was a lively place. With festivals and celebrations happening every few months."

"Sounds fun." I then inwardly grimace, thinking of Kaido and the mass procurement of artificial Devil Fruits. "My place wasn't as lively. Before I somehow got here, a virus had contaminated the areas, everyone locked themselves indoors so they'd be safe. Basically everything halted, it was horrible." Not the sleep-ins though. I would never get tired of those. 

"I hope that it won't be the next coming of Flevance..."

And, _woah there,_ rethinking back to what I said, I realised that I might have implied something like that.

"The White City? Oh no, it's a baby virus, not fatal at all. Not to mention, it's a small place and completely isolated from the rest of this world." Because it's _legitimately_ in another world.

"Is the next island habitable?"

"Yes," Izo hummed, "It's actually under our protection too."

"I hope I hadn't changed the course of your route," I joked, only half-kidding because if I had prevented the entire Yami Yami no mi incident, the next few years would be completely unpredictable.

"Oh no, we were just restocking on supplies. It takes a lot to feed an entire ship full of people, you know?" Izo smiled. "And then there's Ace who could eat enough for ten... or maybe more, I try not to think of it- it makes me lose my appetite."

* * *

It was only after then when I _finally_ saw Namur. For some reason the fishman was giving me a wide berth, I didn't think it would've taken that much effort to thank someone.

Then I realised that- ooohhhhh _right_. Civilians usually came hand in hand with social discrimination. 

I didn't really get it- discrimination was always stupid, it was just an endless cycle of hatred and ignorance.

Namur looked different from other people, sure, but it wasn't like I was going to scrutinise his unfamiliar appearance- half the people on the ship looked inhuman anyway. Whitebeard was four times the height as normal people _in my world_ were. At least he was fairly well-proportioned, I mused, thinking to Queen's tiny legs. It was like skipping leg day would automatically place you as an esteemed subordinate in Kaido's ranks.

"Thank you." I simply said, waiting patiently for his response. When there wasn't one, I continued, "Nurse Bethany or someone mentioned that you were the one who fished me out. I didn't see you around, so I didn't get a chance to thank you."

"It was nothing." Namur replied, _finally._ The silence was getting stifling. "I'm surprised that a human fry like you would thank _me._ I'm both a pirate and a fishman."

I distantly thought that protagonists would usually preach about the unfairness of discrimination at these kinds of time. 

"Pirates are scary, yeah." I nodded. "You don't needa add the 'fishman' part. Human pirates and fishman pirates are equally scary." 

"People usually find that part more terrifying though." He raises a brow, "Haven't you heard that fishmen are born with ten times the strength of humans?" That sounded like a challenge.

"I've heard many things about fishmen." I countered. "I don't buy the words of rumours." Well also because I've _read about your race in a manga._

"Besides, strength doesn't matter much to me because I'm nearly one hundred percent certain that I'm weaker than both races." I shrugged in a 'what-can-I-do' way. "It's just a matter of how fast I die and not how hard they hit."

"...You're weird." Namur concludes with a decisive tone.

"Hey!" I snapped, "I'm taking offence!" I crossed my arms, a contemplative look on my face. "Buuuut, if being an asshole means 'normal' to you, then I'll take being weird any day."

After a slight pause-

"You just insulted majority of your species."

"Discrimination," I declared, finger raised, "is dumb!"

"Like I said, you're weird." He repeats, but amusement was clear in his eyes. I thought that main characters usually get told that they're 'interesting' or 'different' or even 'strange'. 'Weird' just sounded like an insult, I thought dejectedly.

"Why do you want to be normal anyway?" Namur asks and I didn't remember him being this sociable in the anime. 

"Because I'm smart." I crossed my arms again. "And weak. I'm also not noble. And because I'm smart and weak and lack a noble sense of justice, I blend in with the crowd so that I don't get caught up in messes. Like this." I flapped my hand around to try and... _encapsulate_ the absurdity of my situation. "If I was dumb, I would get killed. If I act upon my justice, I'll _also_ get killed. If I was strong, those two points would be neutralised. However, I'm not."

"You're very harsh on yourself." He deadpanned.

"I'm honest," I rolled my eyes back. "Anyone who's dumb or righteous and is still alive is strong." Like Luffy- no offense intended. "Otherwise they have god-tier levels of luck." Like Cross- at the beginning of his journey anyway.

"That actually... sounds about right." Namur nodded with me and I grinned. 

"Careful, Commander," Another pirate stage whispered, "Don't get drawn into her pace."

I raised two hands, palm outwards in a placating manner before slowly backing away. "What pace?" I tilted my head in an overexaggerated cutesy way, Cheshire grin still in place. 

"Go, Commander, go!" Another pirate made shooing motions, that was... Jack, I think, he was a cook. "Before you get the Tea-girl cooties."

"Uh, the cooties- excuse me?!"

* * *

_-A random time skip later-_

"Land ho!" A lookout, Henry- she had met him just yesterday, hollers.

The anticipated feeling of relief doesn't come up when I realised that it was a beautiful, perfectly habitable island- with a horizon of golden sand that stretched in a long arch, the sandhills blended into small pebbles and rocks before converging with the small cream painted buildings. It looked like a picturesque, fairy-tale vacation place. I could depart from the scariness of the pirates and the unpredictability of the ocean.

It was perfect. Amazing. I couldn't ask for more.

(I didn't know why I felt disappointed having to leave these ragtag bunch of hooligans who had somehow welcomed me even though I was mad suspicious. Then there was that even worse feeling of guilt at ignoring the events to come.)

The few 'goodbyes' and 'good lucks' seemed distant and hollow as I climbed down the long rope ladder that snaked down the side of Moby Dick. Striding swiftly across the wooden jetty, I tried to suppress my guilt for running away from the epicentre of what could potentially break apart the world.

'I couldn't do anything anyway.'

'My knowledge would cause me harm.'

'What's it to me?'

'It would get handled eventually.'

They all sounded like excuses to me.

As a few other pirates jumped down and- holy shit, how do they _do_ that without breaking their legs? I decided to wander aimlessly, my feet leading me to walk around the long stretch of sand that encircled the island. The people on the beach were all pleasant and welcoming, the adults smiling helplessly and fondly at the children who had asked why they hadn't seen me around before. 

Another stab of guilt- as I realised that my actions, or lack thereof, could wipe the cheer off their faces.

I gave a smile back.

I always hated the beach. It was gritty and wet. It gave me rashes and sunburns. It made me stink of salt water and sand. It made me itchy and sneezy. 

When I had walked and walked until the looming ship of the Moby Dick was out of view, I toed off my boots and sat with my legs outstretched in the shallow waters of the sea, the ocean splashing at my clothes and with my thoughts more turbulent than the water, I couldn't find it in myself to care about how irritating the wet clothes would be.

What could happen if I warned them of Blackbeard? I had barely seen him during my week of stay but his presence was grating at me. 

I watched the fine particles float in the clear liquid, my legs dusted with sand like flour on bread. They felt warm and cool at the same time, like Tea that's been forgotten and returned to. 

In the end, I was a civilian, they wouldn't kill me (I think) for hinting at things. But they didn't know that, I could be a Marine trying to plant suspicious in their minds. I could be an infiltrator, trying to cause disputes between the crew. That could end with me dying a useless death.

Completely stumped, I scooped up sand and watched dispassionately as it dripped through the cracks between my fingers. Just two metres away, the water devours a poorly made sandcastle that looked for all the world like a pile of rubble. The small indents that would've been from a sand castle bucket were long since softened and however big or tall the sandcastle might have once been, were now mere disarrayed clumps of sand.

"Argh," I said aloud to no one. "I hate thinking." For some reason, talking to myself didn't make me feel as insane as it did in my world, probably because anime characters always monologue their stories or whatever.

 _That_ gave me a start. I couldn't imagine someone reading about my miserable life, playing with sand like a toddler and acting about as valiantly as cannon fodder characters. 

Fuck it all, 'live life without regrets'? Sir, yes, sir. I moved to stand up, slowly constructing a plan on how to explain to the strongest man in the world about my... uh, dimension travel? Regrettable self-insert?

I jerked out of my thoughts, snapping my hand back as something large and solid bumped against my hand, thinking it was a creature.

It was- arguably- something worse.

"For fuck's sake," I glared at the lapping waves of the ocean, then at the sky, hoping that whatever higher deity that did this to me would chock on their biscuit. Then get explosive diarrhoea. 

The inanimate object shrieked in my palms as I gingerly picked it up, holding it at arms length. My eyes traced the swirling patterns. It was a malicious presence, a demanding one. My heart dropped to my stomach as my mind _finally_ registered the purple round fruit in my hands.

It was abnormally large and abnormally heavy. But I didn't even take the time to marvel at how _Devil Fruits really exist_ because-

-in my hands was the fucking _Yami-Yami no mi._


End file.
